Arkham Interviews with Professor Crane
by XerxesFett
Summary: Jonathan Crane has just begun working at Arkham Asylum with a plan to cure the inmates and help them re-enter society. But there are those who would take advantage of his work, and not every patient the Batman brings in is crazy. Will Jonathan succeed? Will he do more harm than good or will Jonathan succumb to the madness of Arkham? (Non-linear story telling]
1. Episode 1 Sanity vs Madness

**Arkham Interviews with Professor Crane**

 **Episode 1**

 **Sanity vs Madness  
**

 **Opening Scene:**

(We see the office of Johnathan Crane. There is a white board, an organized desk and two windows. One is blocked by the white board, the other shows a view of the Gotham City night skyline. Jonathan walks into view, making sure the camera is on. He adjusts his tie as he clears his throat.) H-hello. (Clears throat again) My name is Doctor Jonathan Crane. Former Professor of Psychology at Gotham University, with an emphasis in fear. Now, you may be wondering to yourself, "What would a former Gotham University professor want in working at Arkham Asylum?" Well, I'm here to tell you just that.

(Jonathan reaches out for his rolling office chair) You see, (he sits down on it backwards with his arms resting on top of the chairs backing) fear is something that has always fascinated me. From the basest of creature's fight-or-flight response to modern man's more… um, "sophisticated" fears. Fear drives everything. For example; we see the doctor because we're afraid of dying, we marry because we're afraid of being alone, and we have children because we're afraid that when we die we will have left this world with nothing of value. Now, I digress, but the reason I am interested in working at Arkham, is… (he stands up out of his chair and begins pacing with his hands behind his back)

I've noticed a surprisingly alarming amount of new inmates brought in, thanks to the efforts of a so called "Batman." If he even does exist. (He looks off to the side, exasperated that anyone would believe such an urban legend. He then shakes his head and refocuses on the camera)

My belief is that not all of these inmates are truly insane. Some of them, I believe, have simply lost their way and um… have become prisoners of their own fears. And my hope is that we will be able to help them overcome these fears and re-enter society as normal citizens. And my process for this is very simple. First, (he pulls out a marker and begins writing on the white board behind him) I plan to interview the pa- (Cut to camera static)

 **Second scene:**

(Cut back to the office. The white board is covered in scribbles and scrawls over what appears to be old charts and graphs. The bat-signal can be seen in the Gotham sky outside the window. We see Johnathan at his desk looking very tired and disheveled. He looks like he hasn't shaved in a few days and there is a bottle of alcohol sitting on the desk among several messy papers) Hello. My name is Jonathan Crane. (deep breath) It has been (sigh) two years since I first began working at Arkham Asylum (deep breath) and (sigh) my success has been… minimal, to say the least. Most of my patients are either truly insane or (deep breath) they (sigh) simply cannot receive the help they need at the Asylum. (another deep breath and sigh) And my side projects have been receiving very little funding lately due to a lack of (deep breath) results that I had promised upon first arriving here.

(He pauses. He then pours himself a small drink and laughs to himself a single time. He then drinks the alcohol in swift sip, smacks his lips and notices his hand is shaking) Look at that. (He chuckles as he speaks) My body betrays me. I'm afraid. … Me…. The so-called Master of Fear… (softly chuckles) afraid. (pause) Afraid of… losing my job? Maybe. Afraid of… (sigh) I can't let this continue. (deep breath) I cannot allow them to make me afraid. (He pauses. A look of realization enters his eyes) That's it. (Comprehension and revelation dawn on him as he slowly looks up) That's it! (he speaks slowly as his gaze turns to the unreadable white board behind him.) Make- me- afraid. (He stares at the messy board for a second longer before rifling through his papers looking for something) I know what I have to do to save my research! (Cut to static)

 **Final Scene:**

(Cut back to the office of the opening scene where Jonathan has just finished explaining his plans to cure the Asylum inmates and has drawn a thought out and deeply explained plan on the white board. There is no bat-signal in the sky or alcohol on the desk. All signs of madness have yet to manifest themselves) – there by, eliminating the need for the Asylum for the patients who simply… need some help. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "This sounds almost to good to be true, and why should we take the risk that this won't work?" Ha, well, you would be correct to be afraid, but (he raises a finger to illustrate his point) as wise men have said before, (Jonathan walks towards the window) "It is when we face our fears, (he turns and looks out at Gotham, his hands being held behind his back) that one becomes truly brave.

 **End of Episode 1**


	2. Episode 2 The First Interview

**Arkham Interviews with Professor Crane**

 **Episode 2**

 **The First Interview  
**

 **Opening Scene:  
** (Jonathan is walking down the halls of Arkham, a tape recorder is in his hand and a clipboard and pen in the other. The hall is clean and feels like the wing of a hospital. The faint wails and cries of the insane can be heard in the background, but he is not bothered by it. In fact, Jonathan seems almost excited to be starting his first day at Arkham. He holds the tape recorder up to his mouth as he reaches the interviewing rooms in the Asylum, he presses the record button and begins speaking.)

 **Jonathan** : Patient Interview number one: Doctor Jonathan Crane conducting the interview. It is my first day at Arkham and I've already found the perfect subject to begin my research with. I happen to know for a fact, that he is not insane. In fact, he is an old friend of mine from University. I haven't heard from him in quite some time, so when I found out he was a patient of Arkham, I took it upon myself to request his records and take over his treatments. (Jonathan stops in front of one of the doors and places his hand on the door handle, a prison guard stands by in case the inmates get out of control) It's the perfect opportunity to show that not all who are committed to the Asylum belong here. (the prison guard gives him a disbelieving look but says nothing)

(Jonathan pushes the door open to reveal a small interview room much like the kind seen in murder mystery tv shows. A short, mousy looking man with overly large front teeth and neatly combed hair is sitting in the patient chair. He looks up un-interestingly, but his face becomes one of surprise and recognition as Jonathan walks into the room closing the door behind him and placing his things on the table. The man speaks)

 **Jervis Tetch** : Jonathan? Jonathan Crane?!

 **Jonathan** : (smiling) Hello Jervis. It's been some time. (Jervis gets up and the two friends embrace) To be honest, this is the last place I thought I'd ever see you in.

 **Jervis** : Well, not everything in life goes according to plan. (Jervis takes a step back to look over his friend.) And what about you? What are you doing here? Last I heard you were working at Gotham University.

 **Jonathan** : (pulls his chair and sits down) Like you said, life doesn't really go according to plan. The Dean didn't approve of… some of my teaching methods.

 **Jervis** : (sits down in the chair opposite of Jonathan) Ah. Too radical of a thinker for the old geezer, eh?

 **Jonathan** : It's almost like you were there.

 **Jervis** : How did Becky take the news?

 **Jonathan** : (He pauses, looks down and takes a breath while gathering his thoughts before answering) She doesn't know about it. Ms. Albright and I… aren't together anymore. Work and studies were getting in the way of our relationship and we both agreed that it would be better for both of us if we were to go our separate ways. I haven't heard from her since. (He is clearly still bothered by those events)

 **Jervis** : (Jervis is taken aback and a look of concern appears on his face.) Oh. Jonathan, I'm so sorry. I know you two were very close. How are you?

 **Jonathan** : (He looks up at Jervis and smiles) Better, now that I've been able to talk to you about it. But enough about that. That's not why I'm here. (he pulls out his Arkham employee badge and holds it up for Jervis to see) I'm here as the newest Doctor of Arkham and you… are my first patient.

 **Jervis** : No?!

 **Jonathan** : Yes, it's true. I believe you have been committed here unfairly and with my help, we can get you out of here in no time.

 **Jervis** : (claps his hands together in delight) Callooh challah, oh frabjous day! I can't wait.

 **Jonathan** : Excellent. Then let us begin. (Jonathan pulls out Jervis' file and his clipboard and begins to take notes) Now, I read over your file before coming, but I wanted to hear from you how it is that you ended up here in Arkham. As I understood it you had a very promising career in the research division at Wayne Enterprises.

 **Jervis** : Yes, I was working at Wayne Enterprises. I had been working on some research for hypnotic suggestions at the time using mice. [(Cut to a flashback of the events Jervis is speaking of. Jervis will now be the narrative voiceover unless specified.) End Scene 1)]

 **Scene 2:**

 **Jervis Narrative** : At the time I was considering moving to another department. My boss was not someone I enjoyed being around. She was a real "Queen of Hearts" you could say. She was always about meeting deadlines, staying within budget and my job felt like it was on the line almost every day.

 **Jonathan** : So, what stopped you from leaving?

 **Jervis Narrative** : That was when we got a new employee. Her name was Alice. [(he says her name very dreamily) Alice is depicted as being a young, blonde, petite woman. Although she is a few inches taller than Jervis. She is very kind to others and we see that Jervis is instantly smitten with her]

 **Jonathan** : I see you still have your strong interest in Alice in Wonderland.

 **Jervis** : Ah, ah. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. (we see Jervis' personal copy of said book on his desk at work)

 **Jonathan** : How could I forget? You always corrected me even when we were roommates at university. So, what did Alice have to do with you being in Arkham?

 **Jervis Narrative** : Well, I never openly made any sort of advances towards her for two reasons. The first, I thought she'd never have an interest in someone like me. The second, she was already dating this boy named, Billy. (He says Billy's name with clear disdain) But one day, Alice came into work looking very distraught, very unlike her normally sunny disposition. In my efforts to console her I learned that she and Billy had broken up and that she was having a hard time dealing with it. It was then in a flash of brilliance that I told her that I would help her get her mind off of him and by taking her to Wonderland for a night she would never forget. To my amazement and great delight, she agreed and said it sounded like just the thing she needed. I had it all planned out. I rented a carriage, booked a (Cut to static)

 **Scene 3:**  
(Cut back to the interviewing rooms where we see Jonathan with a different patient. One with white skin and green hair and a bright red smile painted on his face with what can be assumed to be lipstick. The Joker. He is sitting in the chair across from Jonathan, giggling to himself as he reads Jonathan's name badge. Jonathan seems less than pleased to be here.)  
 **Joker** : Crane? Is that (giggle) anything like (giggle) Ichabod Crane?

 **Jonathan** : (His pencil tip breaks against the clipboard. Being associated with the character from Sleepy Hollow is not something new to Jonathan, but it was something he never liked that dredged up unpleasant memories. Something akin to hatred rises up in Jonathan who decides then and there that the Joker will be his least favorite patient. He licks his lips before constraining himself as he speaks) If it helps you to remember, then yes. Just, like, Ichabod. However, Joker. In the future, you will refer to me as either Doctor or Professor Crane. Do I make myself clear?

 **Joker** : Oh, clear as crystal, Doc. But let me make myself equally as clear. (His smile changes into a frown and his voice becomes very menacing) I'll refer to you however I damn well please. (A pause, then he is all smiles and laughs again) So, word in the Asylum is that you're here to try and cure everyone. Using some new technique called, um… Fear Therapy. How does it work? It sounds intriguing.

 **Jonathan** : My research aside, I'm curious to know how it is that you found out about my work considering I've barely even been here more than a day.

 **Joker** : (waves dismissively) Oh, you know how Asylums are. The inmates love to gossip, the guards always talk. You'd think the Warden would have things like that under lock and key.

 **Jonathan** : Well, perhaps if you behave yourself and I see enough progress, I'd be willing to let you see my Fear Therapy first hand.

 **Joker** : (starts giggling) Ooh, I can't wait. (Cut to static and end scene)

 **Scene 4:** (Cut back to Jervis' narrative) -ver, like you said. Life doesn't go according to plan. Even though she had said it was the best night of her life, apparently Billy had called her as soon as she got home because he felt sorry (says sorry mockingly) and that he wanted her back. He even had the gall to propose to her that night. Which come to find out the next morning at work, she had accepted. While I was glad to see her happy again, I couldn't help but feel cheated because I was not the cause of her happiness.

 **Jonathan** : Is that when you decided to take matters into your own hands?

 **Jervis** : No, that was when I went into a depression and started listening to the Backstreet Boys.

(cut back to the interview room where Jonathan looks up from his notes in surprise and raises his eyebrows to silently ask "Really?")

 **Jervis** : Don't look at me like that. At least it's better than Country.

(Jonathan shrugs and nods in agreement if somewhat reluctantly. Cut back to Jervis' narrative)

 **Jervis Narrative** : Anyway, it was beginning to affect my work and the Queen of Hearts was on the war-path again. She had come in yelling and threatening to fire me. That must've been my breaking point because then I got up threw one of my hypnotic devices on her head and told her to shut up. I fully expected to receive the full "Off with his head!" and the end of my career right there, but it never came. She had indeed shut up. After doing some quick commands to test my theory it turned out I had finally had a break-through in my hypnotism research and my boss was now under my full control. That's when I had my brilliant idea to win back Alice.

 **Jonatan** : Jervis! Don't tell me you used it on the poor girl?!

 **Jervis Narrative** : No! Of course not! …Well, (sheepishly) not at first, anyway. I had originally used it on that Billy boy and ordered him to break up with her again over the phone. But Alice, oh, Alice. She was always too smart for her own good. She must have realized something wasn't quite right with Billy because she went to go and find him and (sigh) well. I couldn't stand to lose her again so, (pause) I used one of my devices on her.

 **Jonathan** : Jervis…

 **Jervis Narrative** : I had fully intended on releasing her later. Once she would realize how much happier she would be with me. In my Wonderland that I had created for us. (Obsession can be seen and heard in Jervis' voice) But I should have realized that someone would come looking when three people went missing on the same night. (Referring to everyone under his control) Because that's when he showed up.

 **Jonathan** : He who? (Cut back to the interview room)

 **Jervis** : (looks around timidly and whispers) The Batman.

 **Jonathan** : (incredulously) The Batman?

 **Jervis** : Shhhhhh! Yes, I know how it sounds but it's true. He's real.

 **Jonathan** : And is he like they say? A monstrous bat that could eat a man whole? A demon?

 **Jervis** : No, nothing like that. He's a man, albeit a very disturbed one in my opinion. He dresses like a bat and is a muscle-bound oaf. Or so I thought.

 **Jonathan** : What do you mean?

 **Jervis Narrative** : (Cut back to Jervis' narrative) Well, I had used one of my devices on him, thinking that someone as burly as him would have no brains to speak of in the first place, but somehow, he broke free. He must have a very strong sense of willpower. Cause the next thing I knew he was crying out about, "I am vengeance. I am the night. I- Am- Batman!" and then proceeded to clobber me, free all those under my control and hauled me here to Arkham. (sigh) Alice hasn't even bothered to come and visit. Not that I blame her, I suppose. (The flashback ends and we cut back to the interview room)

 **Jonathan** : (he rubs his fingers against the temple of his head. He realizes that he has got his work cut out for him and that helping Jervis might be more difficult than he thought) Well, I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you and Alice. At the very least your research seemed to be successful.

 **Jervis** : Yes. If only I could work on it more and find out how it is that Batman broke free of his constraints.

 **Jonathan** : (gets up out of his chair and gathers his things) I'll see what I can do to help with getting you permission to use the labs here for your research. In the meantime, I think that's enough for today. We will have to discuss your previous doctor's notes and prescriptions for you next time. (As he turns to leave he stops at the door and turns back to Jervis) I fully intend to get you out of here my friend. Someone with a mind as brilliant as your's does not belong in Arkham Asylum. (Jonathan leaves the room and we fade to black)

End of Episode 2.


	3. Episode 3 I'm Here to Help

**Arkham Interviews with Professor Crane**

 **Episode 3**

 **I'm Here to Help  
**

 **Opening Scene:  
** (Jonathan is sitting in one of the interview rooms with Jervis Tetch's files on the table. Jonathan is alone pondering his next move. His hands are clasped together as he gazes at his friend's patient files. He turns on the tape recorder and begins to speak.)

 **Jonathan:** Patient interview number four. Doctor Jonathan Crane conducting the interview. It's been a little over two weeks since I first began working with Jervis and he has made very little progress, which is concerning given how well I already know him. From what I've been able to gather, his obsession with Alice in Wonderland has only intensified since University and with nothing else to focus on since arriving at the asylum, it has only gotten worse. And thanks to whatever fool of a Doctor he had before, Jervis has been allowed to keep a copy of the book as a means of coping, a prescription if you will. The problem is Jervis seems to have become dependent upon it and does not deal with the reality around him in a healthy manner. (sigh) If I want to get anywhere with him, then I believe it is time for me to initiate the first phase of my Fear Therapy with Jervis.

(The door opens and a guard leads Jervis into the room. Jervis appears to be very happy to see Jonathan and takes his seat across from him. The guard remains in the room before closing the door and silently stands in the corner. Jervis takes note of this and his smile falters as his gaze lingers on the guard. He then turns to Jonathan.)

 **Jervis:** I'm always glad to visit with you Jonathan, but I thought our next session wasn't until tomorrow.

 **Jonathan:** It was Jervis. I just wanted visit with you as soon as possible.

 **Jervis:** Is everything alright?

 **Jonathan:** Not entirely. I wanted to discuss with you some of the other treatments your previous Doctors prescribed for you. Did you bring it like I asked you to?

 **Jervis:** Yes. I have it right here. (Jervis pulls up a book he brought into the room with him) My own personal copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Dr. Leland graciously allowed for me to keep this shortly after arriving here. It's been a great help to me.

 **Jonathan:** May I see it?

 **Jervis:** Of course. (Jervis hands the book to Jonathan)

(Jonathan examines the book. It is old and worn. The pages are slightly yellowed and have a musty library scent to them. But the book also shows signs of love and care. The binding has been replaced and pages that have fallen out have been re-glued and there are several highlighted passages.)  
 **Jonathan:** Jervis, is this the same book you had from University?

 **Jervis:** Yes, it is. I've made sure to take good care of it.

(Jonathan turns to the opening cover where a personalized note has been written on the blank page. The message reads, "Congratulations to our dear friend Jervis Tetch. May you find success and happiness in the 'Wonderland' you will one day build. Much love, Becky Albright and Jonathan Crane." Jonathan stares at the message he and his old girlfriend wrote all those years ago. A pain suddenly seizes in his chest. From remembering his time with Becky, and from what he must do next. Jonathan steels himself.)

 **Jonathan:** I had almost forgotten that Ms. Albright and I gave this to you at Graduation. And you've held onto it all this time?

 **Jervis:** Of course. I consider it to be my most prized possession.

 **Jonathan:** (smiles sadly before speaking) And it has an incredible sentimental value to you as well. (Sigh) Which makes this all the harder to do. (Jervis' smile becomes a look of concern) I'm going to have to confiscate this book until further notice. (Jonathan places the book into a satchel hanging from the back of his chair.)

(Jervis' face dons a very forced smile. Concern and anguish are very clear in his eyes.)

 **Jervis:** Jonathan. Don't you think that might be… a little extreme? (A nervous tick begins to develop in Jervis' right index finger)

 **Jonathan:** The fact of the matter is that you have become dependent upon this book and it has become a hindrance to your recovery.

 **Jervis:** I really don't think this is necessary, Jonathan.

 **Jonathan:** Jervis are you aware of what the other doctors and patients refer to you as?

 **Jervis:** Yes, yes. I'm well aware of my 'Mad Hatter' nickname, but what do those plebeians know? They don't know me! Not the way you do.

 **Jonathan:** And it's because I know you that I know what's best. I believe some time away from Wonderland will expedite the recovery process. You must learn to face and overcome your fear of loss Jervis. We cannot hold onto everything. Once you realize and accept this, you will find that life will be much easier to deal with.

(Jervis looks down at the table and runs his hands through his hair, blocking our view of his face. His shoulders begin to tremble.)

 **Jervis:** (quietly) No, no, no. You don't understand I need that book.

 **Jonathan:** Jervis...

 **Jervis:** (he pulls his hands away from his face. His hair is now very messy and his pupils have contracted.) I NEED THAT BOOK, JONATHAN! (Jervis leaps over the table and starts grabbing at Jonathan's lab coat in an attempt to reach the satchel.) PLEASE, I NEED HER!

 **Jonathan:** GUARD! GUARD! (The guard runs forward and grabs for Jervis as Jervis continues to scream and flail)

 **Jervis:** PLEASE, GIVE ME BACK MY ALICE! I NEED MY ALICE! I NEED HER! I NEED HE- (cut to static)

 **Scene 2:**

 **Joker:** -eard what you did to your buddy Tetch the other day. Honestly, I didn't think you had it in you. You're such a cruel man, Dr. Crane. Taking away the one thing he cared about most. (Giggle) Is that your patented Fear Therapy at work?

 **Jonathan:** It is what's best for him. He'll be grateful later.

 **Joker:** Are you sure? Now you've become the source of his torment. Now you're the reason for his moping and crying. Now, (Joker's grin becomes his maniacal smile) you're the source of his fear.

 **Jonathan:** (stands up out of his chair and places both hands on the corners of the table) My Fear Therapy is meant to help people to face and overcome their greatest fears! Not to torture them.

 **Joker:** (waves dismissively) Oh, tomato potato, potato tomato, same thing. (he holds up a finger next to his evil grin) Only difference in here is, once they break (giggle) they never go back. Hee-hee-hee! AHA HA HA HA HA HA- (Cut to static)

 **Scene 3:**

(cut back to Jervis who is now being dragged away to his cell by two prison guards in addition to the one Jonathan brought into the room. Tears are streaming down Jervis' face as he screams and heard throughout the halls of Arkham)

 **Jervis:** ALICE! ALICCCCCCCCE! (His screams die down but can still be heard the farther away he gets.)

(The original guard and Jonathan look down the hall Jervis was taken through in uncomfortable silence. Doubt now nagging at Jonathan's mind.)

 **Guard:** I hope you know what you're doing Doc.

 **Jonathan:** So do I. (he looks down at Jervis' copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in his hands.) So do I.

End of Episode 3.


	4. Episode 4 Leaving Your Mark

**Arkham Interviews with Professor Crane**

 **Episode 4**

 **Leaving Your Mark  
**

 **Opening Scene:**

(Jonathan is in one of the interview rooms meeting with a patient requesting early parole. The patient in question is a short, rotund, balding man with a long nose, large sideburns and what appears to be the bottom of a glass bottle lodged into his skull around his left eye socket, giving the appearance of a makeshift monocle. Jonathan does not seem very inclined to grant the patient his request.)

 **Cobblepot:** (He speaks in a thick cockney accent) And that's why I think I should be granted an early parole. Wouldn't you agree, Doc?

 **Jonathan:** (leans back in his chair and clasps his hands together) I'm going to have to say, no, I don't agree with you, Mr. Cobblepot. To suggest that you should be let out early because you feel that Gotham owes you for your family's misfortunes and that you have some sort of claim to the things that other people, such as the Wayne Family, have earned, not only shows an intense case of egomania but a blatant disregard for the well-being of those around you. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend you for early parole. My answer, unfortunately, is going to have to be no. (Jonathan checks off the rejected box on Cobblepot's request form and hands it back to him.)

 **Cobblepot:** (Oswald does not try to hide how angry and frustrated he is as he snatches the form from Jonathan's grasp, not caring that it crumples in his hand.) Well, aren't you a saint. Thanks for nothing, Doc. Can I leave now?

 **Jonathan:** (sigh) Yes, Mr. Cobblepot. You're free to leave.

(Cobblepot gets up out of his chair and mutters curses under his breath as he walks to the door. He then stops and slowly turns his head towards Jonathan.)

 **Cobblepot:** By the way, I heard that you gotta buddy here in the Asylum as a patient. Tetch, I think was his name. (Cobblepot turns all the way to face the back of Jonathan's chair) I'd hate for something bad to happen to him, especially since he's on your watch. I imagine it wouldn't look too good on your resume, eh?

 **Jonathan:** (Turns around in his chair in order to look Cobblepot in his good eye, disdain showing on his face) Are you threatening me, Mr. Cobblepot?

 **Cobblepot:** Oh, I don't make threats. (evil smile) I make promises. (He pauses as he opens the door) Catch ya later, Crane. (he laughs and closes the door behind him.)

(Jonathan turns back to his papers, his hands balled into fists. The frustration of all the setbacks, lack of results and unreasonable patients boils within him until the pressure becomes too much. Jonathan then lets out a primal scream and throws all of the stuff off of the table and lets it fall to the ground. Jonathan runs his hands through his hair and sighs knowing that Cobblepot has set his sights on Jervis in retaliation.)

 **Guard:** Professor Crane. (Jonathan turns in surprise as the guard escorts another patient into the room) Your next appointment is here. (The guard escorts a man with messy unkempt hair and a beard into the room. There are also cut marks on the man's arms, all self-inflicted, which is why he's not allowed a razor.)

 **Jonathan:** (Fixes his glasses and begins picking his things up off the floor) Of course. I'd nearly forgotten. Please come in.

(The patient quietly walks in, takes his seat and patiently waits for Jonathan to have his things organized and set up. He then speaks before Jonathan can begin the interview)

 **Zsaz:** Rough day with Cobblepot, huh?

 **Jonathan:** Yes, Mr. Zsaz, I'd have to say so. (Pause) How did you know I was just with Mr. Cobblepot?

 **Zsaz:** I passed him on the way here and he didn't look very pleased. You said no to something he wanted, didn't you?

 **Jonathan:** (Raises eyebrows and smiles briefly) Very good, Mr. Zsaz. Yes, he was looking for early parole and I denied his request.

 **Zsaz:** That is good. If anyone deserves to be in here it's the Penguin.

 **Jonathan:** You had mentioned last time that you blame Mr. Cobblepot for your current destitution. I was hoping you could finish elaborating on that experience for me. (he pulls out his clipboard and starts taking notes)

 **Zsaz:** Of course. As I mentioned before I had gone to the Iceberg Lounge in hopes of winning back my parent's money. I had taken to gambling in my young adult life. Or perhaps it took to me? In either case, I was never really good at it. But on this particular night, I found myself at the dealer's table. There were all sorts of people there. Princes, card sharks, and of course the little man himself. The Penguin. He went by that name even then, back before that accident with his eye. Anyway, to make a long story short, in the end it was just me and him. All I had to do was beat him in a card game and I'd win back all of my family's money. However, Cobbelpot managed to beat me with a straight flush. I still think he cheated. I certainly wouldn't put it past him. And of course, since I'd lost it all, I was thrown out onto the streets. Not a penny to my name. It was later that night as I stood on the overpass of the highway, contemplating jumping and ending it all right there when a mugger with a knife stopped me and demanded my money. (Zsaz looks at Jonathan as if he couldn't believe what he was saying) My money. Ha. MY MONEY! (The crazy is now visible in Zsaz's eyes.) I don't know what came over me in that instance, but I somehow managed to take his knife from him and then I… (Zsaz takes his thumb and makes a cutting motion across his throat.) and it came so naturally too. It was in that moment, when he laid at my feet bleeding out, that I realized my true purpose in life. To liberate the poor, unfortunate souls in Gotham of this painful existence. Liberty in death, as they say. And of course, (Zsaz lifts up one of his forearms and proudly displays his scars) I give myself a mark for each and every person that I save so I can remember every one of them.

 **Jonathan:** It sounds as if you are almost grateful to have lost to Mr. Cobblepot.

 **Zsaz:** Do not mistake me, Professor Crane. If I had not lost to Penguin I'd be living a happy life right now having earned back all of my parent's money. This is just me making the most of a tragic situation.

 **Jonathan:** Hmm. (Jonathan taps his pencils as an idea begins to form in his mind) Mr. Zsaz, there is something I'd like to ask of you. (He moves his hand towards the tape recorder, never once looking at it.) You see, it's about a friend of mine. Jervis Tetch. [(Jonathan hits the stop button and ends the recording, we can see Jonathan continue speaking to Zsaz and moving his hands around, but there is no audio. We cut to a different scene.) (End scene 1)]

 **Scene 2:**

(Cut to Jonathan and The Joker in the interview room. Jonathan looks very bored and unimpressed as Joker goes into great detail about his many exploits and the "hilarious" gags he's committed over the years)

 **Joker:** So, then, I shoved the laughing gas down his throat. You know, Cause it's a gas! Aha ha ha ha ha.

 **Jonathan:** Really, now? And to think no one ever took you up on your stand-up routine.

 **Joker:** I know, right?! Speaking of which, would you like to know how I got to be the way I am? You see… (Jonathan interrupts him before he can begin his story)

 **Jonathan:** Oh, let me guess. Your father was a drinker and a fiend. Maybe your mother was a runaway or your wife was into gambling or both! Perhaps your abusive father took you to an ice show or the circus or better yet maybe you fell into a vat of acid which bleached your skin and made your hair green and you just thought it was so. Damn. Funny! (Jonathan clearly has had enough of Joker's antics. Joker is very displeased about having had his story and perhaps another joke ruined)

 **Joker:** You must think you're pretty clever, don't you, Johnny-boy?

 **Jonathan:** You want to know what I think? I think, it doesn't matter why you're the way you are or how it happened. I think what matters is…you like it. (Joker smirks) I think you like being crazy because no matter where you go or what you do or who you meet, no one will ever forget The Joker. (Jokers signature grin spreads across his face)

 **Joker:** Damn straight, they won't. Imagine it! One day they'll make a monument to me. A statue in my honor. To my comedic genius. Well, maybe not Gotham, but someone will. Perhaps I should do it myself. Commit the ultimate prank that'll leave its mark on Gotham for generations. My victim's children's children's children will remember me. Forever. Even in death. They'll always remember me.

 **Jonathan:** (for the first time Jonathan seems pleased to have Joker talk so much) Hmm. Interesting. [(Jonathan begins to jot some notes down and the screen cuts to static) (End Scene 2)]

 **Scene 3:**

(We cut back to Jonathan and Zsaz who are finishing up their discussion. Jonathan's finger is coming off of the tape recorder. Audio has been restored.)

 **Zsaz:** You do realize what it is you're asking me to do, don't you Professor Crane?

 **Jonathan:** I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm simply suggesting that to show that your making progress that you could perhaps keep an eye on him. Make sure that nothing bad happens to him during his recovery process.

 **Zsaz:** And what makes you think that something will happen to the Mad Hatter?

 **Jonathan:** (pause) You know how the Penguin is. He doesn't make threats.

 **Zsaz:** He makes promises. (Zsaz leans back in his chair and mulls over his options) Very well. I'll keep an eye out for your friend. But I'm not doing this for you or for him. I'm doing this for me. I'll do anything to ruin the Penguin's fun.

(End scene)

(End of Episode)


End file.
